well a lot has been happening in my life lately and honestly i just feel tired and worn out, so i confided in a friend yester day and they gave me an assignement....now for the people who know me..i work,work,work yea that basically what i do with my life and now add to school,church,family friends etc...i find myself up by 6am in and only going to sleep at 12am in the nite...i know what your thinkking !!! workaholic !! well can you blame me ! am trying to live in a way that am not idle you know,be involved in stuff, they say an idle mind is a devil's worskshop and believe you me...i know !!! been trying to get leave from work but its beeen denied each time, i love my job and love waking up wanting to rush to the office and do what i do best but it hasnt been so the last two weeks...maybe it has something to do with my priorities changing as well ?? yep ! my priorities are no my God,my family,school,work,my friends !
Can this be the reason for my frustrations ??? especially of late ive been thinking of quiting my job and joining ministry..dont ask am waiting on the Lord to confirm this.....maybe its time for change in my life !! maybe its time i set targets to win souls for christ that numbers for coke !!! maybe....
the shrink's name will remain confidential but this is what he wrote......
Sorry for all the work, just compensate yourself: asn, take time out for yourself. Besides the days you HAVE TO meet with anyone, go home and catch a good meal on the way home. That’s what I have always done because I work really stupid shifts sometimes. You might appear to be anti social but put yourself first.
Secondly, you can complain about people all day but what matters is what you are able to achieve. If you can reach your targets and you are at peace, whether you get leave or not will not be a big deal.
Take next week for example, cancel social meetings/ dates that aren’t urgent at all, buy a series and go home straight after work but grab a good meal on your way home. When you get home, take a shower, watch two episodes(do not exceed) and get into bed, latest 9.30 pm. Give yourself a week of good sleep and enough rest and you will be back to shape.
You can start putting yourself first, I doubt you do it and only do meetings/ dates that will increase your products circulation, cash flow or relationships with vital people. Start shedding off extra baggage and watch who and what gets to your heart…
I hope that helps…
well i took the challenge or rather am taking the challenge, hope you guys keep accountable and will try my best to post whats going on....and if indeed this remedy is working !!! and if your in my position please lets do thid !!!
shrink...i thank you in advance.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
I have to find the one, inorder to became the one.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart,all your mind, and all your soul.........
Movies are a great way to relax and pass time, i literally can spend a whole saturday just engrossed on the telly or wita 40 in 1 dvd....others say its used to escape the realities of the world and situations that surround us....i mean look at the relatioships that are potrayed in movies..boy meets girl,thunderstruck and love just blossoms....first date,first kiss,meet the parents then vuala !!! he tells his boys he has met the one, the girlfriends are tired of hearing his name in every sentence....he goes down on one knee,...she says i do,big bang wedding ! and they live happily ever after.............man i watch too many movies !!!
So does this really happen in reality ??? you know finding the love of your life,the rib of your rib,the one your compatible with,your soulmate.....the "ONE"
Most people live their lives serching,waiting for this "one" well until a few weeks ago i too was waiting for my one until i learnt a certain truth in a verse in a whole different light...
ask yourself what are your priorities in life ??? well i found out mine were work,work,work,my relationship,friends,family,myself then God......notice the "were" yes...thats how i had always put things inoder in my life...
seek ye first the kingdom of God......love the Lord your God with all your heart,mind and soul...how is t even after knowing this verse for so many yeras,and even being in salvation for 7years it still dint hit me ! that God is to be my nuber ONE in everything, its like it finally hit me when the preacher asked how many are still waiting for the one and i raised up my hand....how can i be waiting for the one when He had been there with me this whole time !!! .
The ONE who has been there for me and with me though the up's and downs...one has comforted me through the joys and the pain..the one who believed in me when i dint believein myself !! i had been so blinded to finding and waiting for the one when he was just there waiting for me.....who can love me like Jesus does ? who can understand me,care for me,forgive me,discipline me,talk to me,satisfy me...like Jesus does !!!! the ONE found me a long time ago....my future husband has to be content to be number two in my life, for the first position was filled 7 years ago......
As i pursue him,to find my Jesus,to love on him, to fellowship with him..to be intimate with him....am finding my one everyday because everyday he reveals something new......
Lord how i love you, how i adore you,how my heart goes and longs and years after you to live for you and wait on you......
To my ONE and only - Jesus Christ.
Movies are a great way to relax and pass time, i literally can spend a whole saturday just engrossed on the telly or wita 40 in 1 dvd....others say its used to escape the realities of the world and situations that surround us....i mean look at the relatioships that are potrayed in movies..boy meets girl,thunderstruck and love just blossoms....first date,first kiss,meet the parents then vuala !!! he tells his boys he has met the one, the girlfriends are tired of hearing his name in every sentence....he goes down on one knee,...she says i do,big bang wedding ! and they live happily ever after.............man i watch too many movies !!!
So does this really happen in reality ??? you know finding the love of your life,the rib of your rib,the one your compatible with,your soulmate.....the "ONE"
Most people live their lives serching,waiting for this "one" well until a few weeks ago i too was waiting for my one until i learnt a certain truth in a verse in a whole different light...
ask yourself what are your priorities in life ??? well i found out mine were work,work,work,my relationship,friends,family,myself then God......notice the "were" yes...thats how i had always put things inoder in my life...
seek ye first the kingdom of God......love the Lord your God with all your heart,mind and soul...how is t even after knowing this verse for so many yeras,and even being in salvation for 7years it still dint hit me ! that God is to be my nuber ONE in everything, its like it finally hit me when the preacher asked how many are still waiting for the one and i raised up my hand....how can i be waiting for the one when He had been there with me this whole time !!! .
The ONE who has been there for me and with me though the up's and downs...one has comforted me through the joys and the pain..the one who believed in me when i dint believein myself !! i had been so blinded to finding and waiting for the one when he was just there waiting for me.....who can love me like Jesus does ? who can understand me,care for me,forgive me,discipline me,talk to me,satisfy me...like Jesus does !!!! the ONE found me a long time ago....my future husband has to be content to be number two in my life, for the first position was filled 7 years ago......
As i pursue him,to find my Jesus,to love on him, to fellowship with him..to be intimate with him....am finding my one everyday because everyday he reveals something new......
Lord how i love you, how i adore you,how my heart goes and longs and years after you to live for you and wait on you......
To my ONE and only - Jesus Christ.
Monday, February 15, 2010
IN SEARCH OF A FATHER
I have a father who will never ever fail me, Jesus is my father and he will never ever fail me,rock of ages he will never ever fail....thus goes the song cant remember who the artist is but it a beautiful song.....i wish i had known this truth about God along time ago maybe i wouldnt have spent sleepless nights,i wouldnt have soaked my pillows with tears,i wouldnt wish i was dead,i wouldnt try so hard to get peoples approval their attention, i wouldnt have dated the unbelievers,fooled around with the already committed....I say "maybe" coz life is a series of choices that we have to make everyday,everytime in our life time......
Ndungu my dad has always been my hero, he was the model father,taught me everything about the world,how to carry myself as a lady,how important i was,how to make money, i mean if you were to find us talking about everything from politics to saving and shares and business you would think am his sister or friend....he is the man i wanted for a husband,kind,loves his children,provides for his family, spends time with his kids,teacher his kids right from wrong,disciples and instill and teach dependency on ones self, making money and business and becaming a better you ....etc i dont know if my sister and brothers agree with me in all this or maybe i say all this coz i love him so much......but somewhere along the way through circumstances in life that image was tarnished....along the way i grew up and saw things differently....
My heart goes to the young girls who were brought up without their daddies present,to those who still dont know who their daddy is,to the young woman who asks why her daddy left,to the career woman who wonders why every relationship she is in ends as quickly and quitely as it started, to the lady who finds herself as the other woman in every relationship....to the girl who is desperately looking for her model father.......
All of them searching for a father through the men in their lives.......
Today am a victor because even after being saved for six years i still searched,compromised,punished myself for my fathers mistakes.....i carried this load in my heart and went out seeking to treat every man well,giving in to some demands because i was afraid they would leave me,taking all the crap and baggage they threw at me....i was afraid to disappoint, to be single, not to be loved....i was afraid of being alone all this time not remembering that i had a father who loved,cared,valued,longed for me.....all this time i had so much hatred,esteem issues and so much pain,so much rage,so much anger......settled for less just because someone else made a mistake,
To love takes trust, and ive had to trust myself,forgive myself and accept Gods forgiveness....Lord forgive me for all the times i pushed you away when you only wanted nothing but the best for me....although Ndungu has made some choices that i dont agree with he is still my father,my daddy and i love him so much,and there is nothing more i would love that him accepting Jesus as his saviour.....
There are so many of us out there who are going through all this right now but i just want to tell you there is a father who loves you more than anything in the whole world wide.......look in the mirror and see Gods beauty and love and grace and peace...you are his creation made in his image and nothing and no one could ever love you like he does..... Accept him as your father today and let him teach you how to be YOU...let him teach you how to love,to care,to talk and walk for he knows you well,he created you and in his perfect time he will bring one of his sons whom he can entrust your heart to.
I call him the love of my life for only he has loved me with a love that i dint have to earn,and one that i will never loose.....
I LOVE YOU DADDY.
Ndungu my dad has always been my hero, he was the model father,taught me everything about the world,how to carry myself as a lady,how important i was,how to make money, i mean if you were to find us talking about everything from politics to saving and shares and business you would think am his sister or friend....he is the man i wanted for a husband,kind,loves his children,provides for his family, spends time with his kids,teacher his kids right from wrong,disciples and instill and teach dependency on ones self, making money and business and becaming a better you ....etc i dont know if my sister and brothers agree with me in all this or maybe i say all this coz i love him so much......but somewhere along the way through circumstances in life that image was tarnished....along the way i grew up and saw things differently....
My heart goes to the young girls who were brought up without their daddies present,to those who still dont know who their daddy is,to the young woman who asks why her daddy left,to the career woman who wonders why every relationship she is in ends as quickly and quitely as it started, to the lady who finds herself as the other woman in every relationship....to the girl who is desperately looking for her model father.......
All of them searching for a father through the men in their lives.......
Today am a victor because even after being saved for six years i still searched,compromised,punished myself for my fathers mistakes.....i carried this load in my heart and went out seeking to treat every man well,giving in to some demands because i was afraid they would leave me,taking all the crap and baggage they threw at me....i was afraid to disappoint, to be single, not to be loved....i was afraid of being alone all this time not remembering that i had a father who loved,cared,valued,longed for me.....all this time i had so much hatred,esteem issues and so much pain,so much rage,so much anger......settled for less just because someone else made a mistake,
To love takes trust, and ive had to trust myself,forgive myself and accept Gods forgiveness....Lord forgive me for all the times i pushed you away when you only wanted nothing but the best for me....although Ndungu has made some choices that i dont agree with he is still my father,my daddy and i love him so much,and there is nothing more i would love that him accepting Jesus as his saviour.....
There are so many of us out there who are going through all this right now but i just want to tell you there is a father who loves you more than anything in the whole world wide.......look in the mirror and see Gods beauty and love and grace and peace...you are his creation made in his image and nothing and no one could ever love you like he does..... Accept him as your father today and let him teach you how to be YOU...let him teach you how to love,to care,to talk and walk for he knows you well,he created you and in his perfect time he will bring one of his sons whom he can entrust your heart to.
I call him the love of my life for only he has loved me with a love that i dint have to earn,and one that i will never loose.....
I LOVE YOU DADDY.
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