Reckless abandonment and diligence indeed.

For those who have read lady in awaiting title of this blog is familiar, yep started yesterday and already am feeling like ive wasted so much of my precious life and time and single hood in pursuit of happiness from earthly standards rather than heavenly ones....where is your treasure stored today? Whats in your alabaster box ? Well mine was filled with a great career, meaningful relationship,kids then ministry etc yes sometimes i held back from doing things since i dint want to disrupt this plan....
Well in reckless abandonment am learning how to take all my dreams,fantasies to Jesus to let him guide me,lead me, teach me, am learning to stand naked at his presence with nothing to call my own,nothing hidden away just incase things dont work out. Completely giving of myself as a bride does on her wedding nite....
Ive chosen to break my alabaster box before my saviour for he is worth it. I dont want my relationship to be about what i get but what i give, oh how i long for the day i will see you face to face to behold your beauty....i no longer want a mediocre relationship with Jesus but an intimate radical relationship...
Lord how my heart longs for you how i pursue your heart each and everyday of my life......giving you all that i was,all that am and all that i ever hoped to be.

As a lady of diligence i will serve you Lord, show me the areas you want me to serve in your church. As single women we are privillaged to have time and opportunity to serve God. Lets not take it for granted. All of us were created for a purpose in the body of christ dont leave an unfulfilled life...its time we stopped with the pity parties and cultivate a real relationship with God, how many of us have put our lives on hold? You know we are still waiting for the right guy,right job, right opportunity etc some of us 5 years down the line live in half furnished house since we regard it as a temporary place before you get the mansion! Well am tired of surviving even existing. I want to live! I dont want to wait for anyone or anything to live better,dress better,exercise better,go back to school, buy and look different...nah it starts now me doing all this coz am worth it. Am a child of the most high God and am promised a full life! So here are three things i personally need to do that ive put on hold.
1. Go on a holiday! Yep alone and enjoy and relax.
2. Furnish my house. its time it became a home.
3. Go for a photo shoot! I have several frames 2yrs down the line with no photos...
4. Volunteer to speak at girl schools and teens. This is my calling i think its time i answered.
5.Sing and serve at intimacy and aflewo. I have a feeling God wants me to be apart of something big this year so when he calls all i will say is yes Lord what would you have me do.
This are some of the few things..yes there is plenty believe me with God all things are possible...
So as we live now dont let your purpose pass you by find your ministry and give it your all.....

The harvest is plenty but the labourers are few.

RESSURECTION

this words describe what i want to say to God today..............

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say,
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place,
How did my heart become so lifeless and coldWhere did the passion go?
When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the coreI can't fake it anymore.

chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

You speak and all creation falls to its knees
You raise Your hand and calm the waves of the raging sea
You have a way of turning winter to springMake something beautiful out of all this suffering

chorus 2:
Here I am once again I'm in need of resurrectionOnly
You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again
You have a way of turning winter to springMake something beautiful out of all this suffering

DAY 4 AND 5....

so day four was a wednesday mhh tokad jobo at around 5:30pm had a movie date..so was just buming at home til around 7 pm shower change and catch the 9pm movie..tyep was going to watch "its complicated" with someone who is complicated he he he....so was getting ready when my friend called, he had to cancel and fly to nairobi there was something we had been praying about and he got the call on his way oto my place so yea, i decided to watch a movie from home..cant remember wat i was watching though......got bored anyway and remembered that i had a shrink on call :0 yes i pay a lot for those services ,so i called we chatted....it was a good conversation but i dont like the way i just open up !! i mean dont tis shrinks get way too much info on a person ??

i ended up sleeping at around 11:30pm, and yea hungry to top it...when i was busy pourin my heart out..my shrink was having dinner, making a beat which i think is awesome !!! and facebookin... yea..they can be cold like this.... but it was good conversation..thank God he aint boring...or maybe.....

day 5.

thursday...rushed to class yep was out of the office by 4pm, and like karma they choose to use me like a case study !! shrinks...;) apparently i have isue i need to sort in my life and yea they were abit painful to hear but am glad i did and i can now do something about it.....

was at tabby's my girlfriend at 8pm and we made supper and talked and she gave me my birthday gift !! yep friday is my birthday...turning 20 !!! as always. pitiad stevo and another gift..am liking my birthday already !!! eve of it to be precise...

went home watched 2 episodes of chuck and wanted to talk to my shrink but he had warned me to never call past 10pm !!! the nerve..anyhu yea its like that and for the first time in many years am actually doing what people want....

ad am out !!

DAY 2 and 3,

So i tokad job at around 5:15, yes i lied to my shrink that it was 5pm..but isnt it the same this...5pm is 5pm..whether 5:o5 or 5:30 its 5 !!!

ok went home, showered,cleaned up some dishes i had used int he morning, warmed up some left overs rice,some meat and greens..;) yep chick is trying to stay healthy !! and sat down to watch a movie....the time travellers wife !! its a great moving story..ive read its book twice and still wow i cant explain it...watched a second movie...smething the Lord made....great movie also..and great lessons learnt.

was asleep by 10pm !! next morning i started out a new exercise plan wha !!!! its intense..bti like it..35minutes and i feel like a new born....

hurray..si am proud of myself..and yes it was relaxing and slow and lazy....i like !!!


DAY 3...

was home by six...i know i said no dates but read what the shrink said..if its necessary then go out !! ; ) i love pizza anyone who knows me knows its the only thing after God in my heart..he he he so i had a pizza date yesterday,

went home showered and was picked by 6:30pm, i havent talked to my date for a while just some issues here and there but i thought that we would put behind us..i suggested a movie..you know less conversation...but he insisted on dinner ..more conversatio,we dint make it for pizza so opted to have dinner at a restaurant near home..it went well.

was home by 8:00pm watched another movie...black wman guide to getting married..dont ask !!! lol,then i watched the white masai ive never watched this movie though it was so popular at some point....and at 10:30 i went to sleep....

let me confess something that although its relaxing you taking things slow...me time is a bit hard because ive never spent time apart from Good.....and thats how i felt going to sleep yesterday..i felt alone..so a much as i take time to relax i need God before me,beside me,around me....i love him so much and honestly am nothing without him...


lets see what my shrink has to say.

DAY 1

OK so you all know the plan was this week beginning sunday was me taking a rest day..yes i still have to go to work but take a rest and close out from the world...and just rest !!! so the plot for sunday was to wake up early go to church 8am service be back at home b 11:30, have ahuge lunch/breakfast then sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep !!!!! till 5pm wake up go for a moovie at cinemax then grab a light supper and nbe in bed by 9pm !!!

woke up at 6am but decided to sleep some more..wokr up at 9am and prepared for church had a great breakfast courtesy of joan..my friend and neighbour..went for the 11 -1pm service..yes i was faitful i went straigh home..on the way sister called, i mean how could i sa no !! so i figure..we will have lunch al takke a nap as she catches a movie or surf on the laptop...five minutes later joan calle "hey andrew and i are coming over at my place and he insists we have lunch so be at my place in half an hour !!!" mhhh did i mention i have a problem saying no to my friends so yea headed home..since i wouldnt nap anyway i decide to tidy the place,arrange stuf and vuala it was 3:30 .

my sister came over and we went to joans catced up, played poker had a lunch late/supper abnd went back home around 7pm...had a heart to heart wit my sister wa !! we prayed and by 9pm she went home...i showed, read my last three chapters of the book of mark..am going throug the new testament...two chapters per day...we are doing 3chapters as church but 3 are just too many for me...; )...

so i decide to sleep then i remembered june, a work mate had given me an exersice cd..yep a girl wants to keep in shape..havent jogged for a while so yea...copied it to the laptop and went to bed about 11:30pm !!!

hey dont look at me like that..i really tried !!! come on....monday is definately going to get better...so am leaving the office now 5pm on the dot !!

dont know what te shrink will think about this one...we wait and see..